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Mass Effect Kink Meme: PART VIII

"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, the kink meme will endure."


Post your requests anonymously, and fill any prompts that catch your eye. We’re not picky around here; anything goes. Fanart or fanfic, het, femslash, slash, threesomes and moresomes, or just gen-fic; as long as it’s part of the Mass Effect universe, there’s a place for it here.

  • All posts must be anonymous, be they prompts, fills, or comments.
  • Every new prompt should be a new post. Indexing’s impossible otherwise.
  • Pictures should be linked to, not inserted directly into the meme. Be nice to people with slow connections!
  • No flames! We like a friendly atmosphere. If something’s not to your taste, just ignore it. If you see someone else causing problems, message me – don’t feed the trolls!
  • No plagiarism. Didn’t think I’d have to point that out, but some people didn’t seem to get the message. If someone’s already written a story that fills a prompt, feel free to link to it, but don’t repost it and claim it as your own.
  • No underage content. Use some basic common sense for what applies here.
  • Give back to the community! Try and write something for every prompt you leave. If you don’t think you’re up to writing, at least leave feedback on stories you enjoyed. Nobody likes putting effort into a story and getting silence in return.
  • The character limit per comment is 4300 – Break your story into 600-700 word chunks, and you shouldn’t have any problems.
  • When posting a story for an old prompt on this meme, please repost the original prompt here, then post the story as a reply to it - otherwise, everyone has to scroll past long stories to see the newest comments on a page!
  • Multiple fills are always welcome!
  • We run fill-a-thons every few weeks, during which new prompts aren’t allowed. If you post one by mistake, don’t worry – I repost them at the end of the week.
  • If your posts aren't showing up, try logging in and looking again for them - anonymous browsing sometimes causes problems for some reason.
  • It’s ‘Kaidan’, not ‘Kaiden’.

If there’s any problems or suggestions you wish to make, please PM me, and I will deal with the problem shortly. Or post them here:

Mass Effect Kink Meme: Questions and Suggestions Thread


MassKink, Part One / MassKink, Part Two / MassKink, Part Three / MassKink, Part Four / MassKink, Part Five / MassKink, Part Six / MassKink, Part Seven / MassKink, Part Eight / MassKink, Part Nine / MassKink, Part Ten

MassKink ME3, Part One / MassKink ME3, Part Two

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Mass Effect Kink Meme: Off Topic Discussions
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  • 1

Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?


Wanted to fill this for a while but couldn't get around to it. There is already an A!A on this and I am flabbergasted at the amazingness of A!A's fill (keep me on the edge of my seat why-don't-cha).

So I guess this is fill #2.

Her client today falls asleep almost immediately after he’s done with her. Jane does her best not to wake him as she cleans up and gathers the scant clothing she’s accustomed to wearing. She is quick to dress, well accustomed to the ritual of disappearing after she is no longer needed. She carefully pulls up the dark skintight leggings to her thighs and zips down the front of her sleeved dress. She’s dressed more conservatively than the strippers on Afterlife, but not by much and for a reason—competition.

Before she leaves she shoots him a glance, sees him still fast asleep. Good thing she always makes them pay upfront. Even better that this one was human. Guess even she gets an easy one once in a while.

As far out as she is into the residential area, she can still hear the music from Afterlife, thunderous and fast and pounding beneath her feet. She decides that she’s free for the rest of the night, having no prior engagements forwarded by Zaeed and hell, she deserves a drink. She tugs at her hood, hiding her face. Prostitution is not just legal in Omega, there’s a special little niche carved out for her kind. But a hooker in Omega hides her face for the sake of discretion, draws less attention away from the pretty asari dancers and keeps them— to some extent— anonymous.

She heads in through the markets, ignoring the vorcha that pester her. She steps out of the way when a quarian passes by, hauling a box of salvage. She gives him a nod, “Still here I see.”

He returns the gesture, box still held firmly. “Someday I won’t be,” he says, in practiced form. They’ve had this conversation before. And Omega’s still no place for a quarian. Jane wishes him luck and continues on her way.

Afterlife is winding down from full swing when she enters. Of course, being Afterlife, things are never quite dull. Zaeed mentioned a ship docking before she left their shared apartment, which explains the batch of new faces. She saunters over to the bar, putting her elbows up on the counter. The turian bartender hovers over her, mandibles flailing, “Working hard?”

“Not particularly,” she grins back. He nods and serves her the usual. She takes a drink, enjoying the bittersweet flavor. “Anyone interesting today?” she says, voice just barely audible beneath the torrent of music. He makes a show of reaching for something under the counter, bringing him just below eyelevel.

“Saw a turian heading over to one of the tables. Seemed like your type.”

She quirks a brow, amused. “My type? And what exactly is my type?”

“Brash, strong sense of justice, penchant for violence,” he says effortlessly.

At this she tilts her head back and laughs, “You’re good, Varo. Too good, actually.”

She finishes off her drink and lays down the appropriate credits, along with a few extra for his assistance. Varo quickly takes his payment and leaves her to go tend to a batarian on the other end.

Shepard finds him seated on a lower level and knows it’s him immediately, the only unfamiliar face here. There is a stripper on the table in front of him, clearly trying to impress. He has a dignified look about him, like he’s too good for this place and, given his posture and his relative disinterest, he probably is.

But Jane Shepard is as good judge of character as she is at pleasing her clients. And she likes him instantly.

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

Oh, oh. How lucky am I? I was just about to go to sleep and I spot this. Lovely, anon! I really like how you've set it up here so far.

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

Another fill for this! Nice start.

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

I like this one just as much as the other.
Multifills are God's gift to kink-memes!

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

Ooh, loving this already. Good start! Can't wait to see what you do with it.

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

Awesome. I am the author A!/A for this fill and am super stoked to see this and where you're going with it. And stoked to see Jane already going for that handsome Turian.
Happy writing!

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

gah I meant *other
Not *author

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 1/?

*bowing* this AuthorAnon is happy that you're enjoying le fic. I'm terribly in love with your fill! Happy writing to you as well :]

Other A!/A

:D :D

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 2/?

A!A: (Thank you so much for your reviews. They are greatly appreciated)
~Sorry I totally meant to have this up sooner.
Shepard comes up behind the stripper just as she’s coming up from arching backwards and practically shoving her pelvis in his face. If anything, at least Shepard has tact around her clients. She’d certainly never shoved her crotch into anyone’s face…unbidden. Jane pats her shoulder and she stops her gyrating, eying her with evident surprise.

“Sorry, hun,” she says, almost sneering, “I don’t think he’s interested.”

The asari mumbles something unpleasant and Shepard’s glad she’s wearing her hood, in case she wants to hold a grudge. She slides off the table gracefully and saunters off, leaving them both.

“Uh, thanks,” the turian says, offering the slightest of nods. Jane glances behind her, at a smaller group of batarians seated in a similar booth. They’re busy indulging in their drinks and chatting enthusiastically. She gives him her full attention, leaning on her hip, “You really ought to watch yourself, the strippers on Omega are vicious… if not persistent.”

He chuckles dryly, “Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I had you to watch out for me.”

She settles beside him on the booth, crossing her legs. His eyes briefly catch the flash of skin below the hem of her skirt. “First time on Omega?” she queries, eying his markings. She has them long memorized by the time he answers. “Yeah,” there is a trace of bitterness in his voice, “guess it’s obvious.”

“Maybe,” she notices the rifle leaning against the edge of the couch, barely visible in the dim light. Firearms were common enough in Omega, the steady influx of mercs and an unregulated market made it possible for anyone to own one. She wondered if he was as good a shot as he seemed.

She leans back further on the couch, completely at ease, used to approaching strangers and even better at getting them to talk. His arms, however, remain at his side, not quite protectively, but establishing a personal boundary. He's definitely not here for a good time, not even remotely.

“So what brings you here? Business?” she inches closer, until her shoulder is barely touching his cold armor, “Pleasure?”

He stiffens by a few degrees, clamping his mandibles firmly, “Sorry… not interested.”

She doesn't miss a beat. “Then what are you interested in?” she asks, amusement in her features, “seems odd, seeing a lone turian who isn’t here for the entertainment or the alcohol,” his eyes narrow slightly, but she perceives the cursory look he casts to the table across from them, the batarians she noticed before.

She knows what he means to do. Varo was right, he was her definitely her type. But there was a reason she was single—well, besides her occupation—men like him, well, they just didn’t last very long in Omega.

“You’re insane,” she whispers, thankful that they’re tucked away in a dark little corner, where no one can see the determination in his eyes.

“Maybe,” he replies coolly, “but I won’t bore you with the details.”

In a fluid motion she is pressed up against him, lips nearing his exposed neck, “Look, I don’t know who you are, but fucking with Ouza isn’t going to end well,” her breath falls on his skin, and he blames her proximity for the warmth that suddenly creeps into him. “But by all means, hotshot, you’re not the first who’s come this way looking for something to prove.”

She lifts herself from the couch, a gloved hand on her hip, taking in his befuddled expression.

“By the way, this one’s on the house,” she says as she goes.

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 2/?


Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 2/?


Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 2/?

Oh yes, keep going.

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 2/?

Loving it. Can't wait for more. <3

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 3/?

You guys are sweet. Thanks for the reviews.

Shepard makes her way out of Afterlife, catching Varo’s eyes on her from the bar. That she’s leaving alone shouldn’t necessarily mean she didn’t service him—some clients are partial to semipublic places rather than hotel rooms, she obliges—but the bartender knew better. Hell, he’d probably known the turian had been a no-go from the start.

Her thoughts turn to heading back to her apartment, bathing, sleeping. Maybe if Zaeed was in the mood she could coax him into getting her some of that asari take-out they had last week. Somehow she doubts he’s awake at this hour, probably passed out drunk. It’s unusual for her to walk home alone, but her little detour at Afterlife and her meeting with the turian didn’t require the usual backing from Zaeed and she didn’t feel like sticking around and waiting for him to get there.

She was further from the nightclub now, slowly winding out into more somber-looking streets. A voice grabbed her attention and it was only when she turned around that she realized she’d hadn’t been watching her back… at all. One mental face-palm later she was facing him, arms crossed.

“You’re pretty cute,” he said, coming closer than she’d like, “I bet you’d look even better without—“

He reached to pull away her hood and she swatted his hand aside, “For paying customers only.”

He cackled, baring his teeth, “That’s okay, I like surprises. How much will thirty credits get me?”

Shepard resumed crossing her arms. Even if he was human and required no special precaution she wasn’t cheap. “Thirty? You’re kidding.”

Irritation flashed in his eyes and in one harsh motion, he backed her up against the nearest alley wall, his arm pressed against her clavicle. “You can take the thirty…or don’t. I’ll just take what I want.”

Shepard felt her chest constricted with his hold, glared as he pulled her hood back, staring at her for a moment as if inspecting her face. She scoffed at him, “You know you talk pretty big for a guy who’s about to lose what’s between his legs.”

“The hell—”

He glanced down and felt the point of a knife dangerously close to his genitals. He froze, and she quirked a brow.

“You really think I’d go around unarmed? On Omega?”

He stepped back and cursed under his breath, darting around the corner only to seemingly stop just before he was out of her sight, the sound of metal hitting skull nearly making her jump. He fell with a harsh thud. Shit, Shepard thought, bracing herself, what now?

She recognized the turian by his markings. Instantly, she relaxed.

“You okay?” He stepped over the man’s body, glancing up at her and setting his rifle over his shoulder. He might not have recognized her face, but he was certainly studying it. Not that she wanted or even needed him to. She promptly pulled her hood forward, obscuring her features.

“I’m fine,” she threw her shoulders back, “now that you’re here, of course.”

He glanced back down at the groaning man on the ground cradling his head. She noticed he had a visor on; it made him look distinguished.

“Guess we’re even now,” he told her, eliciting a small chuckle from her lips. Oh, he definitely remembered her.

“I suppose,” she pushed the knife back into a hidden compartment in her sleeve. She watched him lean against the opposite wall and smiled, “Change your mind?”

“No. Actually, I went in for a drink and the bartender mentioned you left alone. Can’t imagine why he’d say a thing like that…though I suppose it’s a good thing I took him up on the offer to see you home.”

She crossed her arms, eyes narrowed. “And what exactly did he offer in return?”

“Him? Nothing. But I thought about it and…you seem to know a thing or two about Ouza.”

“I know more than a thing or two…and not just about Ouza.”

Now he was interested.


Hoods? Hidden blades? Can you tell I'm playing Assassin's Creed or what?

Re: A!A

That thought actually came across my mind as I was reading and I'm not complaining. ;)

Good stuff so far!

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 3/?

I KNOW, GARRUS! I KNOW! I'm interested, too!

EEEE, sososo excited for more. I'm usually not one for AU's but this is fabulous.


Why, thank you!

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 3/?

I like this. I like this ALOT.

AHH! Was trying to catch up with the last KMeme page and I...totally did not notice this! Thank you, kind Author Anon for a wonderful fill <3

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 3/?

Mooooooore! I'm already imagining the scenes. So hot and badass

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 4/?

I am humbled by your reviews. Sorry OP! I forgot to link it to the original prompt...forgive me?
“Tell me what you know.”

“Sorry, it doesn’t work that way,” she wags her finger at him, “even if I like you.”

She pauses to type in a message on the band of holographic light that circles her wrist, a simple communications device. After it is sent she turns her attention back to him.

“I meant what I said back there. About Ouza…about you,” her voice lowers like she regrets the words. “You won’t make a difference.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try,” he had a plan. He didn’t need anyone to second-guess him—certainly not a stranger. He dismisses her words, “You can’t seriously expect me to sit back and let people like Ouza take advantage of the weak.”

“If it means staying alive, yeah,” she replies with a small shrug.

His face tenses in irritation, “Someone like you wouldn’t understand.”

Jane scoffs, returning a glare. “No, of course not. I’m just a hooker after all,” her words were biting. “I’ll be going now.”

His posture sinks, and he sighs, mandibles trembling slightly.

“Wait. Look I…I didn’t mean what I said. I’ve just been a little on edge lately.”

Hello, understatement.

She doesn’t say anything, but resumes her place across from him, showing him she’ll listen. He gives the rumpled human a long glance, verifying that he’s out. Then he looks at her, trying to meet her eyes but finding them as obscure as most of her features. He lowers his gaze, trying to put everything into coherent order. Then, he tells her everything.

Saren, geth, the Normandy. He names his squadmates, the crew, his commander. David Anderson was a name even she recognized from newsfeeds. His death had been an unfortunate accident that many still mourned. He had returned to the Citadel shortly before that and reconciled with C-sec. One assignment later the whole Ouza mess had started, with the batarian crime boss fleeing to Omega.

“Bastard got away with murder. I wasn’t going to let jurisdiction get in the way of justice, so I quit,” his voice is stained with exasperation, “then I come here and it’s ten times worse. Criminals run this place and no one does anything about it.”

"That's Omega for you," she seems fittingly apathetic.

He snorts, “Yeah.”

She tilts her face, pensive. “I still think you’re crazy,” she admits, with a slight shake of her head. That story of his didn't do much to disprove her initial suspicions. "But if anyone can take Ouza down it would be you, Mr. Failed C-sec officer.”

He clears his throat, “It’s, ah, Garrus, actually.”

She grins, “First name basis already?” she closes the gap between them, their bodies inches away, “We’re making such great progress. Next thing you know you’ll be falling for me.”

He flounders, “I…I’m afraid I don’t have a particular fetish for humans…”

Oh she’d heard that one before. Still, she liked to tease.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she gives a small, smug chuckle, and relays what she knows.

He listens intently, asks for no specifics—doesn’t need to, her information is extensive. He doesn’t blatantly question the source either, though he has to wonder when she mentions Ouza seeing a woman at the hotel Moras.

A voice interrupts his train of thought.

“What the hell is this?!”

Jane rolls her eyes and moves away from Garrus, who stares at the scarred man standing on the sidewalk with apprehension.

“Ah Zaeed. I was wondering when you were going to show up.”

“What the hell happened?” He motions towards the unconscious man on the ground.

“Trouble on the way home,” she says, “lucky someone was looking out for me.”

Zaeed looks Garrus over, sizing him up the way he does with certain clients. A nod is exchanged.

“Let’s go then.”

Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 4/?

Ooh, Anderson as Commander? <3 And yess, more pimp!Zaeed haha.

Still liking this!

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Re: Garrus/F!Shep AU: The Galaxy's Oldest Profession 4/?

I literally squealed when I saw this update. Your Garrus is so spot on and so OHGOSHCUTE. I love this fill, I love it!

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  • 1

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