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Mass Effect Kink Meme: PART XIV

"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, the kink meme will endure."


Post your requests anonymously, and fill any prompts that catch your eye. We’re not picky around here; anything goes. Fanart or fanfic, het, femslash, slash, threesomes and moresomes, or just gen-fic; as long as it’s part of the Mass Effect universe, there’s a place for it here.

  • All posts must be anonymous, be they prompts, fills, or comments.
  • Every new prompt should be a new post. Indexing’s impossible otherwise.
  • Pictures and videos should be linked to, not inserted directly into the meme. Be nice to people with slow connections!
  • No flames! We like a friendly atmosphere. If something’s not to your taste, just ignore it. If you see someone else causing problems, message me – don’t feed the trolls!
  • My Kink doesn't have to be Your Kink, and Vice Versa. A prompt or story that's outright trolling gets deleted; prompts that are merely not to someone's taste don't. I don't think anyone wants me to start imposing my own tastes on other people's fantasies.
  • No plagiarism. Didn’t think I’d have to point that out, but some people didn’t seem to get the message. If someone’s already written a story that fills a prompt, feel free to link to it, but don’t repost it and claim it as your own.
  • No underage content. Use some basic common sense for what applies here.
  • Give back to the community! Try and write something for every prompt you leave. If you don’t think you’re up to writing, at least leave feedback on stories you enjoyed. Nobody likes putting effort into a story and getting silence in return.
  • The character limit per comment is 4300 – Break your story into 600-700 word chunks, and you shouldn’t have any problems.
  • When posting a story for an old prompt on this meme, please repost the original prompt here, then post the story as a reply to it - otherwise, everyone has to scroll past long stories to see the newest comments on a page!
  • Multiple fills are always welcome!
  • We run fill-a-thons every few weeks, during which new prompts aren’t allowed. If you post one by mistake, don’t worry – I repost them at the end of the week.
  • If your posts aren't showing up, try logging in and looking again for them - anonymous browsing sometimes causes problems for some reason.
  • It’s ‘Kaidan’, not ‘Kaiden’.

If there’s any problems or suggestions you wish to make, please PM me, and I will deal with the problem shortly. Or post them here:

Mass Effect Kink Meme: Questions and Suggestions Thread


MassKink, Part One / MassKink, Part Two / MassKink, Part Three / MassKink, Part Four / MassKink, Part Five / MassKink, Part Six / MassKink, Part Seven / MassKink, Part Eight / MassKink, Part Nine / MassKink, Part Ten / MassKink, Part Eleven / MassKink, Part Twelve / MassKink, Part Thirteen / MassKink, Part Fourteen / MassKink, Part Fifteen

MassKink ME3, Part One / MassKink ME3, Part Two

Who Wrote What? Thread

Mass Effect Kink Meme: Off Topic Discussions
Mass Effect Kink Meme: Friending Meme
Mass Effect Kink Meme: Recommend a Fic
Mass Effect Kink Meme: People's Choice Awards / First Place Winners / Second Place Winners
Mass Effect Kink Meme: 2nd People's Choice Awards / First Place Winners / Second Place Winners


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M!Shep/Kaidan, Modern AU, action movie cliches

Bad ass motherfucker John Shepard is a recently discharged special forces/marine/navy seal/insert your choice here. He's got muscle and scars and not a lot else going for him in his life. He was a career soldier but his limp from a wound he got on his last tour has invalidated him.

Kaidan Alenko is the bank teller Shepard just so happens to come across every Tuesday afternoon when he comes in to deposit his disability check. And Shepard has a sickeningly sweet crush on the guy but thinks there's no way the lovely Alenko could feel the same what with the scars on his face and body and the very noticeable limp.

It's very sweet, there's secret pining on both sides until one day while Shepard's waiting in line, several men bust in with guns and masks, the whole nine yards. Shepard's annoyed but he's not stupid, he gets down on his knees and is ready to wait it out but then? Then one of the robbers does something monumentally stupid.

They put a gun to Kaidan's head.

And then Shepard definitely ruins their day.

Bonus: Kaidan does something unexpectedly heroic that just turns Shepard right the fuck on. :D

TL;DR Modern AU, BAMF!Shepard kicks ass, takes names and foils a bank robbery, all in the name of true love~

Re: M!Shep/Kaidan, Modern AU, action movie cliches

Sounds awesome! Seconded :D

Tuesday 1/5

I fell in love with this prompt and then when no one else was filling it, had to try myself...

Jenkins has point. He is the first to fall. Williams is down, her rifle on the ground next to her and Shepard runs for it, rolling for cover. He can't see anything but he fires to where the bullets are raining from. Someone is yelling, but he can't make out any words, not even the language. Which country are they in? Who is he shooting at? There's burning pain on his side, his leg, and he knows he's picked up a few stray bullets or ricochets and the smoke is making his eyes water and he's running out of bullets, he's running out of men, he's running out of time... The explosion drowns everything else, and he's flying over the crates, into Jenkins' body, and his head hits the ground with a thud and he knows that if he loses consciousness he is dead...

Shepard wakes up with a start. The red numbers in the darkness tell him it's five to six, AM. He could go back to sleep, no matter how vivid the images still in his mind, highlights of at least three different missions gone wrong during his career, he still retains his ability to sleep anywhere, anytime.

But he is also incapable of sleeping later than 6:30 so it would hardly be worth it. He stares at the ceiling, trying to find the will to get up. His bedroom is grey and empty, as is his life. He could stay in bed all day, he could die and turn into a mummy, and nothing would change, world would keep turning and no one would miss him.

Habit gets him up, habit and a need to empty his bladder. He reaches for the cane, propped against his bedside table, and levers himself up. He makes his slow way into the bathroom without bothering to switch the lights on. He avoids looking at himself in the mirror when he washes his hands.

At least his hands have no scars. His face is marked for the rest of his life, setting him aside from the rest of the human race as someone who has seen battle, someone trained to kill.

Someone who has little to offer society now that he can't perform that duty anymore.

He doesn't bother shaving, knowing he's not leaving the house anyway, unless it's the day for his physiotherapy and... it's Tuesday.

Tuesday means he's definitely shaving. Tuesday is the day his disability check arrives and he can go deposit it in his bank and... and see Kaidan Alenko. The highlight of his week. The only social contact in his life these days, besides the doctors and physiotherapists.

Kaidan, dark, beautiful Kaidan, is the bank teller he met the first day he dragged himself into his bank, unshaven and rugged, probably looking like he was about to rob the place, with a pile of accumulated checks he hadn't bothered to cash.

His ID had expired, and he had been so embarrassed. He couldn't remember when he had last had to worry about civilian things, about living in the civilian world. Kaidan Alenko, so said the name tag on the teller who had had the misfortune to get him, had been patient, friendly, and sympathetic.

He had also looked almost worried when Shepard said he'd be back later, and he had had to reassure the man he wouldn't starve, even without the checks.

Next week he had been back, with his shiny new military ID for retired personnel. He had chosen Kaidan's queue, even if it had been longer than the next one. He had also shaved. The smile on the man's face got him through the next week.

Tuesday 2/5

Tuesdays are his favourite days these days, the only day that matter. His check arrives and he goes to see Kaid... to deposit it in the bank.

He always chooses Kaidan, and the man is always there. He always smiles, that wonderful smile Shepard wants to believe is more than just professional. He has toyed with the idea of one day maybe asking the man out, for a coffee or a dinner, but knows he never will.

Kaidan is perfect – handsome, healthy, nice. He has to be taken, even if there is no ring in his finger, and Shepard has looked at his hands, a lot. They are long-fingered, unscarred, light in their touch and he wants to... Oh, how he wants to. Feel them on his body, holding him, touching him like he touches the checks, his ID, the pen he holds out to him...

And even if he isn't taken, what would he do with a broken old soldier? What ever looks Shepard may have had in his youth have been ruined for good by the scarring running over the right side of his face, one long scar from the eyebrow to his cheek, another dissecting his lower lip. And that's just what is visible with his clothes on.

Underneath them... His leg is a mess of scar tissue and healing skin crafts. His physiotherapist, probably hired from a North Korean reeducation camp, is convinced he will not need the cane for long and admonishes him to do his exercises to that end but what is he achieving for? He will still be a cripple, still have the limp, still be as visibly broken as with the cane.

Almost superstitious, he doesn't shave until the mail arrives. One week the check was late and he spent the whole Tuesday frustrated. He couldn't even pace his anger away. He wished for his rifle then, or a good fist fight with Lieutenant Vega, anything to get rid of the feeling of being trapped.

The check arrived on Wednesday, and with one smile from Kaidan the rest of his week was saved.

The mail arrives, an ad or two, and the thin envelope that gives him the excuse to go bask in the light of that smile again.

He shaves, as close as he would have for a parade, and chooses his clothes with great care. It's not like he has many options, he spent over a decade in fatigues, in uniform, and his stash of civilian clothing is tiny. Maybe he could use some of that money that keeps piling up to buy something new to wear?

Would that be too pathetic? There is only one person he would dress up to impress.

Clean jeans, not too tight on his wounded leg, a grey t-shirt, ironed, and his old leather jacket. He keeps his hair short, shaving it himself, not ready to let it grow back yet, not ready to look that much like a civilian. The last time he had hair any longer than an inch or so was in high school.

Kaidan's hair is lovely. He keeps it gelled back at work but Shepard is sure that if it was allowed to hang free it would reach his eyes. He spends way too much of his time picturing that hair in different situations, what would it look like if he ran his hands through it? In a shower? In the morning?

He takes a final look at the mirror, running a hand over his chin. Smooth and clean, that's the best he can do. He grabs the envelope, his wallet (with the ID, even though Kaidan hardly even glances at it these days), his keys, and the cane.

Tuesday 3/5

Kaidan is not there. Shepard pauses at the door, hesitant. Should he wait? Maybe he's having lunch? Maybe he's ill, or is on vacation... He can't have changed jobs. No, Shepard doesn't think he could...

A door opens in the background, and a dark figure enters the hall in a rush. It's Kaidan, and Shepard smiles in relief. He's dressed in a blue suit, today, with a grey tie, and he looks wonderful. He seems to be eyeing the queues, and... and he pauses when he sees Shepard by the doorway. It's like he was looking for him, because he continues to his place then, shooting Shepard a smile.

He's imagining, of course, but what else does he have than his dreams?

By the time he limps through the room there are five people in the line before him. He doesn't mind. It's more time he can spend just looking at the man. Even if Kaidan doesn't smile as widely to anyone else but him.

The line moves, and with only two more people in front of him, he can see Kaidan's hands. Those wonderful, long-fingered hands, counting bills, handling forms...

There's a shout behind him, and he turns to look with everyone else. Five men, with balaclavas and shotguns and you have got to be kidding! He curses them, the fate, the timing, but raises his hands with all the other customers when commanded to do so. He's not stupid. He's also not armed.

Getting down on his knees is a little more problematic, and he hopes the closest goon doesn't mind him lowering his arms to lean on his cane to make it to the floor in somewhat coordinated manner. As long as they are not trigger-happy... as long as no one tries to play hero... as long as...

As long as the bastards don't pull a pistol on Kaidan. Fuck this.

Shepard is on his feet before conscious thought hits in, his cane making a handy weapon he applies to the backs of the goon's knees, hand on the gun even as he goes down, shouting in pain. Shepard turns and pulls the trigger twice in short succession, two head shots, two more goons on the ground. Weight on his good leg he kicks down with the left, hardly noticing the pain and the goon goes quiet.

All this takes mere seconds, and the remaining robbers have just realised something is going on, but smart enough to take cover instead of standing out in the open, shooting him. Shit, shit, shit, because if they shoot at him, there are all these civilians here, and Kaidan, right behind him...

Tuesday 4/5

“John!” It's Kaidan's voice, and he turns to see the man has opened the security door, holding it open, and he leaps over the counter to shelter behind the desk.

“Alarm?” he asks, raising his head to look at the robbers. If they grab a hostage... but no, they are by the doors, far from the civilians.

“Yes. The police should be here any minute.”

“Good and not good. All these potential hostages...”

“What do you think you were doing?” Kaidan hisses, angrily.

“They shouldn't have pulled a gun on you,” Shepard says, defensively, and keeps his eyes trained on the enemy.

“You... John...”

He likes it, likes his name on Kaidan's lips, said on that smooth, husky voice.

“Kaidan,” he replies, grinning, and looks at him.

Give him a gun and make him feel useful, and bam, he has courage again. Kaidan is looking at him with wonder and admiration and... he tears his eyes away, fighting the urge to kiss him.

“Can I get to their flank from this side?”

“Yes, but you'll need my keycard to exit,” he says, unhesitatingly pulling it from his pocket and handing it to him. Their fingers touch, and Shepard could swear he can feel electricity pass with the card.

“Stay here,” he says.

“John... good luck.”

He smiles, holds on to the keycard, and, still crouching, makes his way towards the entrance. He's almost as far as he can get in cover, wondering how he can open the door and exit to the side of the hall without the robbers noticing. There's no cover on the other side, not close, and even if the door is bound to be bullet-proof... Damn, he needs a distraction.

Maybe wait for the cops to arrive? It should make the two remaining gunmen at least look outside, and it should be enough time to...

There's a loud noise and oh fuck no, it's Kaidan, he's thrown his chair towards the robbers, and one of them is getting up to shoot at the stupid, idiotic, wonderfully brave asshole, and Shepard is out, pistol trained, and the man falls before he can get a shot fired. His co-goon turns to aim at Shepard and that's a mistake, Shepard's too fast, he's already on him, not even bothering with a bullet, breaking his nose with an elbow, disarming him and kicking him in the stomach at the same time. That'll teach them to try to mess with his time with Kaidan!

He checks his pulse – alive but unconscious. The other one is dead. He collects their shotguns, checking them for other weaponry. The living has a pistol as well which he collects.

Kaidan is there, and he gives the extra guns to him, holding on to his... the first pistol he acquired while he moves on to the two head shots. Dead, especially dead, and their shotguns go on the pile. The bastard who drew his gun on Kaidan is still on the crumpled heap on the floor, unconscious but still breathing, if slightly laboriously because oops, Shepard may have broken his trachea.

That's when they hear the sirens. The police are finally there. The rest of the customers seem to be dazedly realising that it's over, and are getting on their feet. Shepard adds his pistol to the pile Kaidan has deposited on his desk, and leans to retrieve his cane.

Kaidan is arranging the still-breathing goon into a recovery position and Shepard falls in love.

Tuesday 5/5

Shepard feels guilty at the thanks, he knows he did everything wrong – endangered everyone, just because the robbers pointed a gun at the wrong man. That is, until the cops tell him that the goons are responsible for at least five different bank robberies, and not one had ended without bloodshed. It appears they liked killing the bank officials who helped them.

Shepard doesn't even want to imagine what he might have done to the men if they had killed Kaidan in front of his eyes.

He's leaning heavily on his cane, feeling the aches and pains of all that exertion now. But he didn't even limp during the fight. Maybe the torturer general is right, maybe he will get rid of the cane one day. Not that it didn't come in handy today.

“Mr Shepard,” says Kaidan, appearing by his side, and Shepard grins again.

“John. I liked it when you called me John.”

Kaidan blushes, looks down... then meets his eyes with a smile of his own. “John.”

“If you ever do anything as stupid as making yourself a target for armed criminals again...” he growls, smile disappearing.

“Yes?” Kaidan asks, defiantly, arms crossed.

“I don't even know,” Shepard says, and pulls him closer for a kiss.

After only a second Kaidan opens his mouth to respond and wraps his arms around him. People around them start applauding, customers, bank tellers, hell, maybe even the cops and the EMTs, Shepard doesn't know, and he doesn't really care.

His cane falls forgotten on the ground as his own hands find their way to Kaidan's back.

Re: Tuesday 5/5

I really can't stand FemShep/Kaidan but for some reason I have a huge soft spot for Sheploo/Kaidan. Great story. I actually went 'awwwwww' in the end.

Re: Tuesday 5/5

Yes. YES. This fill is so much yes. Shepard being all excited to see Kaidan, and Kaidan being all smiley at him and then BAM and then the robbers show up and Shep's all "not mah kaidan" and UNF. This is just amazing. *applause*

Re: Tuesday 5/5

A!A this was amazing! Kaidan/Sheploo is so rare on here lately:(
This anon is a pile of mush on the floor from the feels:)
Oh god the feels, sooo fluffy^^
Sequel? Oh please oh please?:D

Re: Tuesday 5/5

Thank you so much for this amazing and adorable story ^^

We have got to get more Sheploo/Kaidan fans back here :(

Re: Tuesday 5/5

This anon would also love a sequel! I don't even usually read much slash, but the way you write Sheploo and Kaidan... *sigh*

Re: Tuesday 5/5

Usually I avoid male slash (I'm a femslash fan, actually) but when I saw this prompt had been filled I had to take a look and I'm glad I did! Great fill anon!

Re: Tuesday 5/5

Thank you so much to everyone who has commented!

And because you asked nicely, have a sequel:)

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